- Instead of being responsible for their own emotional state, they will often try to delegate responsibility. They try and control others to regulate their emotions for them (hence the need for praise or attention both positive and negative).
- Most children go through a narcissistic like stage around two years of age. People usually grow out of this phase by around 3 or 4 years of age. Narcissism can show up in a brain scan. It is characterised by less gray matter volume in areas related to empathy, and increased activity in areas associated with self-directed and self-absorbed thinking.
- People with narcissism are more likely to have substance abuse issues, especially cocaine.
- A narcissist can be very petty and is more likely to hold onto grudges (even irrational ones). They will often try to seek revenge.
- A narcissist will often engage in bragging or seek an opportunity for praise. In an attempt to show off, some narcissists will look up obscure words and forcefully use them in conversation. This is an attempt to make themselves seem intelligent.
- If they can't control someone, they will try to control how others perceive them. This can include spreading false rumors.
- They will sometimes engage in indirect manipulations e.g., using others to deliver a message they crafted to make it seem like their opinion has consensus and to make people feel ganged up on. This is an example of what is called narcissistic trangulation.
- They are more likely to get involved in litigation.
- There are different manifestations of narcissism associated with a variety of manipulation techniques.
- Upward social comparison refers to comparing yourself to someone with some form of higher perceived status (e.g., someone who is more hardworking, someone who has been lucky, or wealthy, etc.). In some people this can inspire awe or act as a source of motivation to do better. Downward social comparison refers to comparing yourself to someone with some form of lower status (e.g., sick from cancer, ). Narcissists are more likely to experience more positive feelings from downward social comparision. They are also more likely to experience more negative emotions from upward social comparison. Narcissists therefore do not usually like it when you praise someone else. A narcissist may try to sabotage the reputation of anyone they perceive as receiving more attention or praise than then. Narcissists will try to degrade or devalue others. They are often judging other people in negative ways.
- A narcissist may try to dominate conversations. They can get impatient when others talk about themselves or others.
- Narcissists will often seek people high in empathy to take advantage of their kindness. If they tell you a story where they portray themselves as the victim, they might be trying to recruit you as someone they can manipulate.
- Narcissists will often engage in manipulation strategies like gaslighting.
A narcissist might initially seem like a great listener. What they are often actually doing is seeking information that they can use against you in the future. They are looking for vulnerabilities to strengthen their sense of control over others.
- A narcissist will often try to shift blame onto others.
- They can overreact to neutral or critical feedback. They will present with anger and agressiveness in response to rejection. They believe they are better and smarter than others and reject statements that do not comply with their imagined version of reality. They therefore often underestimate others.
- They will try to befriend popular or high status individuals, This is often because they want to be associated with success and seen as successful themselves, have indirect power or influence via these people, and because their grandiosity implies that they deserve the best.
- Some narcissists will try to fake having a sense of humility. Sometimes this is a ploy to get praise or comfort. They do not feel genuine humility. A narcissist will often cheat to get ahead and do not like to accept if someone else does something better than them.
- Narcissists will often try to twist what other people have said and the way it was said. Even neutral statements can get twisted to try and portray others in a bad light.
- A narcissist is not loyal. They will often betray people if it suits them. They can understand the concept but do not feel it.
- In general, a narcissist does not feel empathy. They do not feel protective urges. If you're in pain they are quick to forget it. They may even feel that your pain is an inconvenience to them.
- A narcissist does not have a sense of fairness or justice.
- Narcissists avoid regulating their own emotions. They will run away (physically or mentally) from anything that might make them feel shame. This can include throwing a tantrum, crying, or whataboutism.
- In general, a narcissist will not feel guilt.
- Most people see something in their environment, process the information, and then have an emotional response to it. Narcissists often do the opposite where they have a feeling first and then let that colour how they perceive their reality.
- Narcissists do not feel connection. They often see other people as tools to be used to serve a purpose.
- They will often exaggerate their skills, success in relationships with high status individuals, and accomplishments. Their behaviour is associated with overall worse functioning in areas such as romantic relationships.
- Narcissists are very demanding and often look for others to do tasks for them.
- They often speak with certainty and use body language to exaggerate their certainty.
- Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds their ego or gives them a sense of validation. This need can never be satiated. They will recruit people they can manipulate to feed their ego. The people they recruit will often be used to gang up on others. They will use this to confuse and control their target victim. They will reward people they can control by giving them access to network of other people they can control. They will try to cut people off from this network as punishment if they start losing control. They may engage in passive agressive behaviours, tantrums, or guilt tripping to re-establish control. If you're lucky they may try to give you the silent treatment as punishment.
- Passive aggressive behaviours may include: procrastinating on a project that impacts others, sarcasm, bring up topics that other find distressing, and weaponised incompetence where they pretend not to be able to do something, sarcasm, conditional statements (e.g., "I'm sorry IF I got you wrong"), or backhanded compliments (e.g., "you're so brave to wear something like that").
- If someone walks away from a narcissist, a narcissist will often smear that person's character.
- A narcissist will sometimes initially appear as charming. They may mimic your phrases or interests to control your perception of them. They will often test your empathy with sob stories to evaluate if you will serve as a narcissistic suppy.
- Narcissists engage in projection. If called a narcissist they may call you a narcissist. Mistakes are always someone else's responsibility.
- They will often engage in excuse making, flipping, and denial when confronted about their behaviours. When confronted they will often be judgemental and condescending to others.
- The way narcissists need narcissistic supply is similar to severe drug addiction, both in terms of desperation to get a hit, and in terms of withdrawal symptoms when supply is missing. They are addicted to sources of self-esteem and distraction from self-awareness (even if that means causing chaos). As a consequence they are often very restless and need something to keep active. They have a desire for instant gratification.
- Narcissists lie a lot and distort reality. They often engage in fantasy and sometimes act as if they believe their own lies.
- They can target people arbitrarily with bad behaviour without provocation, expecially if someone seems vulnerable.
- They will shut down other people's emotional expression, or use people's emotional states to manipulate people.
- Narcissists can be gullible, especially with fake compliments.
- Narcissists can be impulsive and suffer from paranoia and fear of abandonment.